I am forty seven and recently got divorced from my wife of 23 years by mutual consent. We were really worried about how this would affect our kids so we bought as many books as possible on the subject and read them from cover to cover. I am relieved to find that what we thought we were doing right was actually right! We always wanted to provide the kids with a new way of life that included both of us and our kids go from my home to their mom’s and back several times a week to suit themselves. We live close by so its easy for them to do that but I thought they might think we were weird or wonder why we split up in the first place it was so easy. This book made me realise that we are very lucky in being able to still respect each other and our children and that so many other people don’t get to this place very easily. Putting Children First gave me lots of new ideas too, for things to do with the kids and for ways of working out what to do in the future if one of us meets another person, which is bound to happen sooner or later. Anyway just wanted to say that not everyone finds it impossible but even those who find it easy need reassurance that they are getting it right and this book does just that in a very straightforward way. Its got something for everyone and I recommend it highly.
Toni P (USA)
There is a book that has helped us a lot, it is called “Putting Children First” by Karen & Nick Woodall. Perhaps having a look at it may help him to understand that it is no longer about him but about the children and, that when the absent parent is not at home anymore he has to make a much bigger effort to keep the relationship with his children in good shape.
MeMySonAndI (contributor on http://www.mumsnet.com)
I have just finished reading this book and wish I had been able to read it two years ago when I was going through a nasty divorce. My children suffered horribly all through the process because I was an emotional wreck and was obsessed with getting my own back on their dad. Two years on and I can look back and see what I did wrong – if I had had this book then I would have known that what I was feeling was normal but that I didn’t need to react as I did. Their dad was to blame for the end of our relationship not them and he did want to keep seeing them and spending time with them but I couldn’t let them as I was so angry. Now they see him rarely and I know that they miss him. If you are going through divorce, read this and get your ex to read it. Children don’t deserve to be caught up in their parent’s mess.
Sue Pollock (UK)
I have just split up from my partner and she has got my two daughters living with her. We have argued and argued. This book has helped me to negotiate with her and I now see my girls more often and they are happier. I was gutted when my relationship split up but the book also has lots of advice for dealing with that. The book is written in a clear, direct way that is easy to follow. It explains things from a child’s point of view and shows you ways to improve communication. I recommend it!
Easy to read, deals with all of the difficult bits about bringing up kids after divorce. Gives straightforward advice and ideas to sort out the things that cause hassle between parents. Particularly liked the bits about surviving after breaking up and the bits about what kids feel and what to do about it. Great book.
Angela Duncan (UK)